Working for an Authoritarian leader is disheartening for decent and hardworking employees and more so for the codependent. There's a saying that goes something like this, the terrible leader will always leave a (metaphorical) graveyard behind them. In my experience the Authoritarian leader is no different. The experience for anyone that doesn't fall under the good graces of the Authoritarian leader recounts little or nothing positive. Unfortunately, the Authoritarian leader also creates a system whereby those under their good graces usually display Authoritarian behaviors. They must continually do so to remain under the Authoritarian's good graces. Once that leader leaves, even those that were under their good graces, are not likely to have anything positive to say about that leader or manager. The diehard supporters might still be loyal or follow that leader to their next opportunity. Those that feigned loyalty will have just as much negative memories as most of the other employees. For the codependent the experience can cause even more damage to self-esteem and self-confidence. My experience with an Authoritarian leader created a toxic environment that one might consider unbelievable. It’s an environment that fosters intimidation, manipulation, condescension, and control. You suffer these behaviors from the Authoritarian leaders, the underlings, and the opportunist.
A quick word on opportunist. They are the ones who say they disagree and have a disdain for the Authoritarian but they always seem to find favor with the Authoritarian. I would suggest these individuals you dare not trust. They are just as insidious as the Authoritarian and the underlings. Later, if you happen to see them or the underlings, they may have miraculously discovered their humanity. You know their true colors. Never forget the cop-out, I was just doing what I was told. This is why, while I am not Jewish, I am a firm believer the Holocaust should never be forgotten. The same type of behaviors displayed by Nazis are easily replicated by anyone who lacks compassion for their fellow human. I am in no way making a comparison between the Holocaust and my experience. My intention is to illustrate how the Authoritarian mindset towards an individual’s humanity has no good outcome for the victim. During the Nuremberg Trials, the famous and nonchalant defense, “We were only following orders,” by the remaining Nazi leadership, was a woeful attempt at understating their actions. It was a blatant denial of their accountability. The leadership and management under an Authoritarian leader might repeat this defense or it is tacit in how they deal with their subordinates. Stanley Milgram, the psychologist from Yale University, in his research, discovered inflicting abhorrent behaviors on others is easily facilitated. He also found most people would engage in these behaviors without much prodding or convincing.
Here are some examples of what you might hear under an Authoritarian leader’s system. These examples I’ve heard and none are positive. "I'm just doing what the boss wants." "Yours is not to question only to follow." "Poop runs downhill." "Just do what they want so I don't get fallout." "I know this reprimand isn't right but I've got to do what leadership wants." The doublespeak: "Yes, family comes first, but your job pays the bills." "Let it be an act of God when you call out sick." "Be grateful you have a job." "Don't cross the mote." Let me explain this one. The management offices where on one side of the office floor. The mote is a reference to the water that encircles a castle. So, myself and colleagues were told there was no reason to be on the side of the building where leadership worked. These are all strategies for intimidation, manipulation, condescension, and control. Oppressive does not begin to define the atmosphere.
I’d like to share two experiences under an Authoritarian system. A colleague recounted an experience with a manager before his retirement. My colleague was on an elevator with this manager. The manager asked my colleague, how were things going for him? My colleague began to tell him of some personal issues he was having. The manager responded with, he was once asked this of another employee who began to disclose the personal issues he was facing. The manager concluded with, he did not care about any personal issues that employee was disclosing. That was the end of their conversation. Of course, for some, remorse comes when we they are exposed or it is too late. This same manager is an example. After he retired, he had fallen ill, and needed hospitalization. During his hospitalization he phoned another colleague of mine. The manager proceeded to apologize regarding his poor treatment of my colleague as a subordinate. My colleague quipped that I was jealous he didn't call me to apologize. Sometimes, you have to find humor in the inane. Under the Authoritarian, codependent tendencies are reinforced with repetitive damage to your self-esteem and self-confidence. You might fall prey to receiving just enough fair treatment to keep you under their control. It might be a compliment, raise, or some type of bonus. It's all superficial. It's not costing them much to keep you under their thumb, if they still have use for you. If they don't have use for you prepare to be continually devalued and eventually discarded. Devalued and discarded are two terms often used to describe dysfunctional relationships. You're told if you don't like it, leave, because there is someone always looking for your job. The threat of termination was used regularly as a strategy to reign in any murmuring of discontent among employees. When you’re in this Authoritarian system you're also likely to go into fear of survival mode. It’s anxiety provoking when you're worried about providing for yourself or your family. When your codependent you might give in to the you fear of not finding a better place to work. You’re living out learned helplessness but at the time you don’t recognize what is transpiring. You’re accepting the abuse. There are many of us that have or are currently living this experience. I know from my experience it takes a toll on your mind, body, spirit, and personal life. You dread going to work. You might bring the negativity home. You might force yourself onto the proverbial hamster wheel trying to prove your worth at work.
In the movie Balboa, Sylvester Stallone's character Rocky needs to give his son a pep talk. His son blames Rocky for his lack of success. In part of the talk Rocky tells his son, “You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good… Now if you know what your worth, then go out and get what your worth...” For the codependent think about how you're letting others define your self-worth. Don't allow yourself to be deceived when the goal post is moved after each of your achievements. This is where your told you were almost there and you’re almost as good as another person. Yet, you are never recognized. It's a strategy to keep you performing for their own benefit. Maybe you have a strong work ethic and are consistent producer but what is the likelihood of your advancement? Because you don't recognize your worth and the Authoritarian system knows it, they will give you just enough of what they deem is fair. Recognize in the Authoritarian system what they can get matters most. You will always be an afterthought.
So, what do you do regardless of whether or not you have codependent tendencies? The truth is you can’t afford to be passive. You’re going to have to take an active role in your outcome. Recognize your tolerance level. It's difficult for anyone with a healthy self-esteem much less so a codependent to thrive in an atmosphere of intimidation, manipulation, condescension, and control. You have to begin thinking about how you can better your situation. This might mean improving your self-management and coping skills within this system, or leaving for the benefit of your well-being and your sanity. Strive to continually develop yourself. You will have to find the best options for you and have a plan that you find comfortable. Explain to those outside of work who will understand and support you. Be realistic on who is trust worthy. Remember words are one thing actions are another.
Here are additional considerations for those with codependent tendencies or for anyone else it might help. Take ownership of your self-efficacy. Make an effort to define yourself and not allow it from others. It can’t be stated enough, know your value so that you are not diminished by another's assessment of you. Recognize your worth because you know it won't come from the Authoritarian system. Remind yourself that it's you that will have your best interest in mind and not the Authoritarian system.
I always like to remind my readers about taking advice. I’ve made some suggestions for you to consider. I’ve shared things that have worked for me. More importantly, I’ve shared things that will hopefully evoke you into being your own problem solver. If something doesn’t work for you, please resolve that there will be something that works for you. It requires your discovery. The life journey you are on is unique to you and so should be the solutions you discover.
This blog is intended as an informational support system for those with codependent tendencies on their path towards reinvention. Please seek mental health providers if needed.
David is the owner of Partnerships for Performance.com a personal transformational coaching company.
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