Taking Ownership and Moving Forward
Welcome and thanks for visiting my blog launch on codependency. I have several reasons for launching this blog. I have firsthand experience with codependency as I have had this issue for most of my life and only until recently recognizing how deeply entrenched it was in my personality. I want to share my experiences with the hope that they will be of help to anyone with codependency and how they too can face this challenge. I prefer the term challenge because one of its definitions according to Merriam-Webster dictionary is, “to confront or defy boldly….” I believe and maybe you will share this belief that we need to take assertive action against our codependency. From my experience, if we do not it will impact multiple facets of our life from our relationships, to our work experiences, to our financial security, to many other aspects of our life. The imperative to face this challenge is that if we don’t we will suffer it for a lifetime. Imagine plenty of regrets.
Why is taking ownership important? Well, it stops us from the cycle of placing the blame on others. It will lead us to own what is our part in our continuous cycle of codependency and achieving progress. Ask yourself, what have I accomplished so far or what progress have I made by continuing to blame others? This doesn’t mean others are not responsible for contributing to our codependency but as adults, if we are going to lead positive and productive lives then the process begins with taking ownership. Some of us may need to begin with therapy. You may have done therapy. You may begun the process of living with healthy independence and interdependence with others or recognize you have codependent tendencies. If you are looking for support in your journey then I hope my blog will do just that for you. While taking ownership and not blaming others you can continue the work towards what you can change and what is best for you.
What might moving forward look like for you? You can add as much meaning as you would like or need as it is best for you. I’d like to share what that has looked like for me in case that would help you. It might mean setting boundaries in your social and work life. This just might change the direction of those dimensions of your life favorably so they no longer work against you. An example might be how you are treated in those settings that keep you from feeling fulfilled and at the mercy of others because of your codependent tendencies. Another way to look at this is to consider what you are doing, how you treat others, and how they treat you, is it working out for you, or is it good for you?
For many years I worked under a narcissistic management system while not recognizing my codependency. I’ll go into more detail about this experience in upcoming articles but now I understand why I did not progress and allowed myself to be treated as if I was not good enough. I spent plenty of wasted time just waiting to be acknowledged with some positive validation. Often, it never came and it was just a terrible cycle I allowed myself to endure. Yes, I own what I allowed. The same can be said for similar treatment in social relationships. In these types of environments and relationships, it is nearly impossible to move forward. Yet, once you recognize your codependency and take ownership then moving forward is possible. I know the process from victim to ownership is not easy but it is doable. Please remember ownership does not mean others are blameless. It is about acknowledging your role, your mistakes, and what you can change.
In my next article, I’ll talk about love bombing. If you aren’t familiar with this term briefly it’s where someone or a group showers you with an inordinate amount of praise and/or gifts or attention in an attempt to convey that you’re the most wonderful and perfect human being and usually not long after becoming acquainted. If you thinking that is unusual you are right. If you’re codependent this behavior makes you highly susceptible to manipulation. This term was first used to describe how cults operate. It is a method used to indoctrinate members but also how some individuals to include the personality disordered use it to manipulate others. I have first-hand experience being loved bombed in a cult and relationships. In future posts, I will share some of my experiences that I think might help others.
This blog is intended as an informational support system for codependents or anyone else on their path towards reinvention. The writer is not a mental health practitioner and is not offering mental health advice. This blog is also not intended to offend or single out anyone to include those with personality disordered issues. Please seek out the help of a mental health professional if needed.
David is the owner of Partnerships for Performance.com a personal transformational coaching company.
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