Often when a personal or professional relationship changes for the worse or ends there is unpleasantness and disillusionment. No matter how we contextualize this type of experience we are likely to want a quick end to the discomfort. We move on from that relationship if it’s an option. It doesn’t help when there are logistical issues to resolve. Remaining in an association with this person or partner is even more challenging. In video games or other activities (that have the option) you choose the difficulty level setting to easy or novice and so on up to expert. The setting on a relationship fracture that I am speaking about is either terrible or unbearable with no easier setting. Nonetheless, it is a part of life some of us are likely to endure. This may seem dismal but doesn’t have to be if we change our perspective. I’d first like to illustrate examples when thinking or saying, I wish you well, might help you.
You want closure you may never receive from a relationship that has ended. The interactions have ceased. Is it realistic to think the other party is concerned with your need for closure; if things have broken down and your interests are no longer considered by that person? You’re probably the more interested party who wants to hear what the other has to say on how things changed or ended. Maybe they can't or won't give you closure. You can’t force closure either. Let’s be honest. You may want to have your say. Meanwhile, you’re seen as unable to move on.
You want closure from a relationship that has ended but it’s not possible. Regardless, you are required to have continued interactions with this person. Seeking closure from someone where interactions are necessary and who refuses to give it would likely maintain tension. You will create resentment because you’re thought of as someone who can’t let things go. You will likely create an ineffectual working relationship whether in your personal or professional life. Again, it’s something you can’t force.
Knowing where a sincere, I wish you well, originates. I’ll share my thoughts but you should define it as it is within you. The nature or intensity of the relationship won’t matter. It’s that part of you that has care and concern for the humanity of others. It may help to think of how you once regarded this person or your current care for others. Your genuine feelings of wanting another person to feel safe, secure, and kept from harm. You want this person to be well. You have no ill feelings in your being. There is happiness and joy in their very existence. It’s the goodness and caring that shouldn’t be drawn upon only during a catastrophe or when you see someone in trouble. You know, the rallying rescue to save another human being. It’s the kindness, compassion, and generosity we want to experience when we watch gentle animal videos on YouTube. Whether toward a human or animal we feel sympathy. Those videos by the way garner millions of hits. The goodness is there. Draw upon that goodness you feel and express towards others. When it comes to fractured relationships, do you think it’s impossible or are you defaulting to either choosy or petulant on who you have goodness towards?
How does saying or thinking, I wish you well, help you move forward. First, it can give you closure without needing it from the other person. It reveals your character and your concern for another. You don’t have to prove it to them. You know you have no ill will and are willing to let the toxicity go. Them giving you closure begins to not matter. Second, blaming is counterproductive. Try as they will, someone who continues to blame you no longer has power over you when you wish them well. You know you are coming from a genuinely good place. You also find blaming them doesn’t help you grow. Third, you are breaking the bonds that you allow to control your mood. You can either choose to be happy for this person by wishing them well or be angry and despise their existence. They also have that choice. Now that freedom of choice is completely yours. There is a release you can experience by wishing them well. You feel happy. It is euphoric if you are genuine. When you are truly wishing someone well how can you feel or act with anything but goodness towards them? Sure, you likely played your part in the fracture. This is not about denial of ownership. It’s about becoming a better person. We are not perfect and progress is learning from our mistakes and moving forward.
Whether or not you get to tell the person you conflict with, I wish you well, doesn’t matter. Wonderful if it’s possible. Really, it’s about helping you move forward. If there is a struggle to get closure it’s likely you won’t get to tell them. They may not understand. It may not matter to them. It doesn’t require you to spend time with them over coffee or tea. What does matter is your thoughts and intentions are drawn from a good place within you. It’s a better place to inhabit. It opens you to clarity and new possibilities. When I say or think, I wish you well, I mean it and I hope happiness for that person. I experience happiness. I hope it does the same for you.
Thanks for reading.
David is the owner of Partnerships for Performance.com a personal transformational coaching company.
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